Thursday, April 19, 2007

things that can't sleep in the night

Can't sleep.

I hate night. Night is when I get stressed out. Sometimes I feel like I am in grade 2 again worrying about the next school day and not being able to sleep because of it. I was actually like that in grade 2. When you think about it grade 2 is really nothing to be stressed over...read some poems off of those giant laminated pieces of paper, share your peacock blue pencil crayon with the neighbor boy who never had that colour, be picked up for lunch and watch Care Bears while you ate it, brain storm ideas to write a story about dinosaurs, and other fun stuff like making ice cream in class or being taught how to lasso a chair by your student teacher. I don't think my stress is school related anymore though. It's almost over, after all, and it's easy to stop caring so much after so long.

Back to night. I don't like it. Which is ironic because most people who know me would call me a night owl. One time when I was at Briercrest I worked on a paper at 2 in the morning. This might be normal for some college students, but I hadn't worked on this paper until 2 in the morning, I was doing something else (likely out with Dan...we were so stupid, and it was cold) and then came in and decided to do my footnotes at that point. My roommate wasn't too impressed with me, but like now, I couldn't sleep and needed something to do to zap the last of my energy. Anyway, at night I get overwhelmed with life if I stay up too late. It's like the weight of the world comes down on me past 11 o'clock and I start feeling bad about myself and my life choices. It's a horrible way to spend time awake.

Sometimes I really miss my Briercrest friends. They are the best people I have ever had in my life and I wish I was better at staying in touch with them. A part of me thinks I wouldn't feel so crappy about myself and my life if they were everyday people. Well, they are everyday people, but you know what I mean.

I've been thinking about getting a new template for my blog, and possibly changing the name of it, but I am fresh out of creative titles at the moment, so I guess I will just keep mulling it over. Maybe in June when I have dial up internet and live in a trailer I'll have a good day and half to kill and will come up with something brilliant. Or, maybe next week during exams and packing and cleaning. There's a good chance.

Maybe the Magic Bullet infomercial is on tv. I won't check, but man I want one of those. You would too if you watch the entire 30 minute sales pitch. You can make anything in 10 seconds!!!

goodnight.

5 comments:

  1. Erica, You make me smile.
    Reading about your anxiety about school in grade two makes me wonder if you had school anxiety. It is an actual thing you know. I am sorry that you had such a rough night. Funny how when your brain needs to stop doing something, it won't, but when it needs to, it doesn't start?
    Also, the Magic Bullet. It is true that it seems pretty amazing, but I am convinced that it is a POS. How can it be so good? Nothing is ever that good in real. But the infomerical is entertaining. I especially like the lady that looks like she should be in a bingo hall. How sad is it that I know that? But I know you know it too.
    Love you and hope you know that the weight of the world isn't really on your shoulders:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Also, I just remembered something funny. I got an interview at the National School of Ballet. It makes me giggle everytime I think about it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. im a briercrest person!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What! Hillary... the national school of Ballet?

    Erica I know what you mean about getting anxiety at night! I get it too lots. I think it may be a last child thing... we're usually the night owls.

    ReplyDelete
  5. good old grade 2 nerves. i remember when i took one look at Boppa (he was the cross walk man) and i burst into tears and ran all the way home. yep, definitely hated school. but that doesn't explain why i ran away from Boppa...love you.

    ReplyDelete